Rating: 3.5 out of 5

3.5 Robert Downey Heads

When we first heard that the premiere for the 7th season of Game of Thrones would be pushed back a couple of months, we all reacted like HBO just slaughtered a bunch of kittens right in front of us. It was terrible news for any Game of Thrones fans. Ang ganda ng ending ng Season 6 tapos gagawin niyo sa amin to?! Hindi pa ba sapat na pinatay niyo si Hodor?!

But we, as a people, somehow found a way to endure the long wait and we’ve been finally rewarded with an episode that signals that great things are going to happen very soon. And when I say “great things”, I mean it in the sense of “The Bastardbowl” and “The Red Wedding”. (Hanggang ngayon pag umaattend ako ng kasal, napapahawak parin ako sa mesa kapag biglang sumara ang at pinto at may tumugtog ng violin.)

Like always, our discussion of Game of Thrones will most likely include spoilers so consider yourself warned.

The Arya Stark Revenge Tour Continues

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Kaya lagi kong tinatawanan yung jokes ng barbero ko e baka ahitan ako ng ganyan.

The show starts with Walder Frey throwing a feast for his family to celebrate how they destroyed their enemies. Now you might remember that we saw Arya Stark kill Walder Frey as Season 6 ended so you were probably wondering why the old and wrinkly ball sack was seemingly still alive. Flashback ba to? But it doesn’t take long for us to get reintroduced to the bloody world of Game of Thrones as we see the Freys fall down like dominoes one by one after they’ve taken a sip of wine. Alam mo yung pag nanuod ka ng wrestling dati tapos biglang lalabas si Stone Cold Steve Austin para bigyan ng Stunner yung lahat ng nasa loob ng ring? Ito yung equivalent nun sa Game of Thrones! Kulang na lang magtaas ng dalawang dirty finger si Arya Stark at lumaklak ng beer habang nakabulagta ang lahat ng mga Freys!

And with a room full of people dead within the first 5 minutes of Season 7, the Arya Stark Revenge Tour continues. Next stop? King’s Landing!

The Ed Sheeran Cameo

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Ed Sheeran’s last photo before he was violently stabbed to death by Arya Stark

Yes, we have to acknowledge that not-so-subtle Ed Sheeran cameo. For those of us who were not aware that he was going to appear this season, it might have come as a surprise. What did you guys think about it, though? Personally, I didn’t mind that he’s in it. We’ve had other celebrity cameos in Game of Thrones before. Pero siguro nakakatawa lang para sa akin kung gaano ka-walanghiya yung pag gamit kay Ed Sheeran. Talagang nag focus ng matagal sa mukha niya! Sinabi pang bago yung kanta niya! Kulang na lang mag promote ng bagong album e!

My only wish for the next episodes is that Arya doesn’t find a way to kill Ed Sheeran and take over his identity because that would mean we would get to see more of him in Game of Thrones. Ma-babadtrip ako kung pag pinatay na ni Arya si Cersei ang gamit gamit niya ay yung nakangiting mukha ni Ed Sheeran.

Winter is Here and It Brought Zombie Giants

Just to remind everyone that a lot of shit is about to go down this season, we then see an obligatory shot of the White Walkers marching towards what we can only presume to be the Wall. (Saan pa ba sila pupunta di ba? Hindi naman siguro sila nag fu-fun run lang.) Now at this point, medyo sanay na tayo makakita ng White Walkers and after the Battle of Hardhome, we have an idea what these things are capable of. But I don’t think anybody was prepared to see Zombie Giants. Uulitin ko because it bears repeating: ZOMBIE. FREAKING. GIANTS. As if it wasn’t already hard to kill these things as separate entities, pinagsama pa yung konsepto ng zombie at ng giant!

The Jon and Sansa Brewing Rivalry

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Sansa with Petyr “Pastor Hokage” Baelish

Back in Winterfell, we see Jon addressing his bannermen after successfully beating Ramsay Bolton and his army. Now is it just me or does it really seem like being the “King of the North” fits Jon so well? Bagay e! He seems to be doing it better than Robb did. But then the topic of the Umbers and Karstarks is brought up and Sansa voices out her opinion on the matter. Jon wants them to come back to the fold while Sansa wants to punish them and give away their land to lords and families who supported the Starks. I particularly like the part na nagulat si Jon Snow na umepal si Sansa sa usapan. Kita mo sa itsura niya yung expression na “Aba t*ngnang to, kinokontra ako ah!” Now although Sansa lost that argument, kita mo yung expression ng amusement sa mukha ni Littlefinger e. The seed he has planted seems to be growing by the day and it’s only a matter of time until Jon and Sansa finally clash.

Pero alam niyo ano pang gusto ko sa part na to? We get to see Lady Mormont lay the smackdown on middle-aged men once again! Sandali lang siya lumabas pero it’s always a good thing when she does. Hindi ko siguro kakayanin pag dumating yung araw na mag decide yung mga writers ng show na patayin si Lady Mormont dahil mukhang naka-move on na tayo kay Hodor. Is it beneath them to kill a young girl? HELL NO! Sinunog nga nila ng buhay yung anak ni Stannis diba? So I think we should all be mentally prepared to see this happen.

Mrs. Cersei Greyjoy?

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Believe it or not, nakangiti na si Cersei sa picture na to.

Back in King’s Landing, Cersei seems to have moved on from her victorious coup that saw the death of his own son, Tommen. Now she’s out for blood once again. (So in other words, normal Cersei mode ulit.) But no longer the strong family the Lannisters once was, Jaime and Cersei need allies. That’s where Euron Greyjoy comes in. He’s now sporting a haircut and looks like a cross between Joshua Jackson and a chubby Ewan McGregor. Β To solidify their alliance, he offers to marry Cersei Lannister but she refuses. (Seryoso pre blessing in disguise yan wag mo na ipilit malaking pagkakamali yan!)

He then offers her a “gift” that will supposedly convince her to marry him. Ano yung gift na yun? We don’t know yet, but there are rumors floating around the internet that it could be Gendry Baratheon. (Nakakatawa na sobrang invested ng mga tao sa internet sa nangyari kay Gendry. As far as we know, malaki na mga braso niya kaka-sagwan sa bangka niya.)

Never Let Samwell Tarly Prepare Your Food

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“Pucha, may tumapon nanaman bang arinola?!”

In Season 6, Samwell Tarly was sent to the Citadel by Jon Snow in order to find something in the library that would help them defeat the White Walkers. But instead of being busy devouring books, we find Samwell Tarly collecting pots and pans filled with fecal matter and then serving the maesters their meals using what seems to be the same pots and pans. Hindi ko alam kung sino yung henyo sa Citadel na nakaisip na magandang idea na isang tao lang ang maglilinis ng arinola tsaka mag seserve ng pagkain nila. Hindi ba dapat matatalino tong mga maesters na to?! Buti pa nga kamo mabait si Samwell Tarly! Imagine if someone with a vendetta against the world was given that job, let’s say Arya Stark, what would you think would have happened? You don’t think she’ll switch the pans “by mistake”?

We also got to know what happened to Jorah Mormont! Although we don’t see his face, that hand, that voice, and those words are undeniably Jorah’s! The only consolation in all this is that at least alam natin may nag-aalaga sa kanya kahit napapakain siya ng ebs by mistake.

Fortunately after his other duties, Sam still has time to go over the scrolls and this is where he finds that Dragonglass which is used to kill the White Walkers can probably be found in Dragonstone. This of course leads us to…

Daenerys Has Landed

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In this photo, only one person has a fully functioning penis.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, after six freakin’ seasons, Daenerys is finally back in Westeros. Fittingly, she has landed in the former Targaryen stronghold of Dragonstone. But after Stannis was defeated, the castle is all but abandoned now. The last time we saw Dragonstone, Stannis and Melisandre were having sex on top of the table which also serves as a map of Westeros. Tingin ko wala pang naglilinis nung mesa na yun so siguro yun ang unang unang papa-punasan ko kung ako si Daenerys. As she looks over the table, she utters only three words, the only three words you’ll hear from her mouth in this episode, but will definitely send a chill down your spine.

“Shall we begin?”

The first episode of season 7 establishes where everyone currently stands in terms of their respective storylines so it starts off comparatively slow than where we left off last season. The challenge for a show like Game of Thrones is to fit in enough screen time for all the characters involved so much of the time in Episode 1 is used up for exposition. But what this episode does well is to hint at the bigger things that are coming to the show in the weeks to come. And with only 6 episodes left this season, those moments are going to come sooner than later. Since Dragonglass is in Dragonstone, does that mean that Jon and Daenerys have to cross paths soon? What’s this gift Euron is talking about? How will the Brotherhood factor in to the storyline? Magkakamali ba ng bigay si Samwell Tarly ng pan sa mga maesters?!

Hindi ko alam and we have to wait like everyone to know the answers to these questions. But just like everyone else, I’m glad that Game of Thrones is back. For now, let’s try not to think about the fact that we only have 6 more weeks of this to enjoy for the year, shall we?

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